Just Another Day…

Well today, I wondered why some families only choose certain members to claim and others are ignored.

Family is supposed to be family no matter what. With all my travels i have found somethings out. There is a big difference on how a family interacts with each other and the race of the family. Like I said this is my opinion on what I have seen and experienced in my life. The oriental families have a sense of unity as a whole they work together and strive very hard to keep family honor and make sure the bad stuff is kept quite and swept under the rug. A good majority of African-American and Mexican families stick together no matter what. I have even seen families pile up in on home just so the resources are greater as a whole for the family. African-American, Oriental, and Mexican families are also much less likely to place elderly parents in a nursing home they most often care for the elderly in the home and this is statistical fact. Oriental sometimes cast out family members that bring shame or take a path in life that does not suit the high needs of the family as a whole. This leads me to Caucasian Americans. I often see the each family member  break off to make their own family often putting their independent needs before the great cause of the whole family as a whole. Most often the parents or grandparents are put into a nursing home, this is also statistically true. I wonder why we as Caucasians distance our self’s from some family members. I look in my life experiences I see many family members with happy pictures, i hear of family reunions and never once been asked to one. I wonder am I that much of an embarrassment? I went to see my grandmother on my mom’s side one day. I had many questions for her of past issues that bothered me and I really wanted some answers. My mother was frankly not very good and that’s the nicest I can get. My father was very abusive, he is very different now, but still he was one wicked man when he was drinking. When my mother left my dad we moved to all African-American neighborhood I was force into a life style I wasn’t accustom to. I asked my grandmother since she knew what was going on why didn’t she do anything. I look at myself with my children. If they got into something that was hurting my grandchildren I would not hesitate to do something about it, without thinking twice. My grandmother said she was afraid of my dad…Wow really.. Then she said something that really hurt my heart badly. I know you kids went through a  lot but I figured if y’all cared so much you all would come visit. …WOW, really…A quick flash went through my head, if you would have cared I would have never been gang raped at 16, overdose on drugs not 1 but 2 from being so depressed, I wouldn’t have these scares on my wrists from trying to kill myself at 18 because I tried to get away from my mom and go into the military and flunked the physical. Children need a solid foundation and a solid family to grow on I was building on quicksand. My mother was an ultimate hater as soon as I started to get somewhere she would foul it up and even sleep with some of my boyfriends….

Anyways, I tried to work with my grandma and try to establish some kind of connection. A couple of months went by it was Christmas. We were invited to her house. Everyone was opening presents and myself and my 4 kids was just watching as my aunt and cousins open lots of presents. Then, my grandma handed my 4 kids a clear teddy bear full of animal crackers and said merry Christmas. My kids were 3,5,6,and 8 years old looked at me and then around the room and asked why everyone else got lots of presents and we didn’t get any. I didn’t know what to say. I was so hurt, why would these people suppose to be family and invited us make us feel so unwanted. Dinner time came and myself and my children were the last to eat everyone seemed to just ignore us. I told my grandma we had to leave I collected my children and their coats and I went to my oldest son’s grandmother’s home. We were all welcomed. My son’s grandmother made my 3 younger kids plates and she had bought them all a present. The presents were from the Dollar store but that didn’t matter my children loved them and they felt like someone loved them.

This has been the story of my life strangers being more like family than my own. But in the end I still feel sad because the people I once loved with all my heart didn’t give a crap about when it came down to it. I don’t know what happened but it just did. When my grandpa died on my dad’s side that side blew into the wind. I even had my grand-uncle James’s son say to me your dad was adopted and that i wasn’t apart of the family. My mother’s side say that my mom has a different dad than them and we are only half and they don’t associate with people like me. Hunn. People like me what does that mean? I really don’t know. But I have found when I am having troubles in my life all I have is my Bible and God in my life. When I need someone to talk to i find myself talking to the only person that has been there since my grandpa left me is God. He has been good to me in keeping me safe when I haven’t made the best of decisions. Recently been going through some issues that only God knows, I just hope he keeps his promise and keeps me safe and show me where and what I am to do…………….

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